i think i finally know what i've been longing for.
i've been longing for those childish in love moments.

moments like marking out your calender with pretty heart shaped things. doing cards and writing little love letters. i think somehow these inner-child like things make love so very special and exciting. not to say that being in love isnt good. i think when we start taking each other and everything for granted after a while we will find that something is missing somehow somewhere.

i long to just cuddle up and not say anything. have you brush my fringe or touch me face. twirl my hair and so very sillyly get your fingers caught in them. and in the attempt to get them out, you tug at my hair. remember those times where we would do the smallest of things for each other just to make the day a little more special?

well, it's neither of our fault that we no longer have the time to let that inner-child of us surface. but i hope we will hold on to whatever we have and believe that things will be okay.

some part of me hopes that we can start building our lives TOGETHER. there's a difference in building our lives TOGETHER and building our lives with each other.

the former refers to creating lots of memories together. the latter refers to creating memories of each other. when the latter attitude is adapted, inevitably you will find it suffocating because you have no time to create other memories.

confusing? maybe. maybe in the process of trying to be selfish i am actually being selfish. how contradictory.