it's been a while since i've actually written something here. i dont know why but i just feel like it today.

best friends was what we assumed each other to be. or rather i assumed. having that special bond was what i thought we had. but apparently not. all this while it's been nothing but bullshit and just me trying to build things up and sustain things.

but i guess things are clearer and i no longer see a point in holding on to something that isnt worth it. there's no point holding on the 'the special part' that i thought existed. when actually it doesnt. so taking a step back i've been holding on to nothing.

letting go has always been a problem for me. i never could let go in live. im always tense. but i guess i just have to. in order to full appreciate everything i have now and be fair to those who actually share something with me, i first need to let go of all the meaningless and blurred friendships.