take your life into your own hands and what happens? A terrible thing: no one to blame
Erica Jong

more often than not,most of us try to take control of our own life. thinking that our fate is in our hands and that what we create out of our own will will be what lies ahead of us. i somehow support that idea of creating your own future. but i use to doubt the fact that you have to do it alone. i use to believe that we can always do it with someone. depend on someone, a close friend, a family member or anyone to build it and create it with us.

today, i was thinking and im starting to drift from that thinking.
truth is, nobody will stand by you forever. we may find someone that will be willing to, but there's always this risk of that person walking out on you. leaving you behind. to fend for yourself, all alone. then you realise you have nobody to turn to. nobody to confide in and nobody to lean on. not only may someone walk out on us, we may walk out on people without even knowing it.

building it on your own, creating your own future seems to be the way sometimes cos then you will never walk out on yourself. it's either you succeed or you fail. both ways, you stand within yourself and all hope and strength will come from within you instead of from someone else. that way, you'll never be abandoned cos you cannot abandon yourself.

but what about not having anyone to blame? to begin with, we should never blame anyone. everything happens for a reason. leave it to God and you'll never need to blame anyone. simply because God's plan is perfect and He has his reasons.

i was just reading my previous posts and i see a contrast. i use to be hopeful, optimistic and happy about future and sharing it with someone. but somehow now i feel the total opposite. yea i do wish to share it with someone, but i've partially given up hoping.

i just have to keep wishing and pray that im wishing on the right star.

shit i need to snap out of all this.

once again, fireworks appearing oh so far away
therefore, a dream left unfulfilled.